a fish out of water

Separator by Radiohead.

A new Radiohead album. I love these guys because their lyrics are written in a way that you can interpret them however you want to or need to.

I think at the moment, this song is speaking to me about this new perception of real life. Of the real world.

“I’m a fish now, out of water” and, “It’s like I’m falling out of bed from a long, weary dream. The sweetest flowers and fruits hang from trees. Just exactly as I remember. Every root. Every gesture.”

A scary new beautiful world that I need to learn how to exist and participate in.

Today at church I had the opportunity to pray with someone about how I’m going. About my fear of judgment and inadequacy. Of never being good enough. Of being the older brother in the Prodigal Son story.

The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends.But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’

Luke 15:28-32

Trying to accept that there is nothing I can do to earn or lose God’s love, it’s unconditional, is kind of hard.  And today praying about this stuff I had the lyrics, “If you think this is over, then you’re wrong” playing in my head. Not in a condemning way, but like Thom Yorke sang it. In a sad, optimistic, bittersweet kind of way.

This is a journey. Something that I’m going to really work hard on with God. Not alone.



One Comment on “a fish out of water”

  1. Marita Hanscamp says:

    love! Praying for you lovely.

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