good grief

So coming home has been weird. Which isn’t really a surprise I guess. It’s just frustrating.

I feel super emotional all of the time. I’ll be at a movie night with a bunch of friends, having a lovely time, when suddenly all I feel like doing is screaming, crying, running away or withdrawing completely into myself.

One of the common responses to reverse culture shock is grief. Grief over what you’ve witnessed, grief over the end of an excellent trip, grief over the loss of an excellent group of people around you all of the time.

I’ve been grieving over my old self. Grieving over the fact that I’m not the same person I used to be. Grieving over the relationships I have that probably will never be the same again. It is a sad time. I feel the loss of my old life but I know that I need to move on. That this is part of God growing and changing me into who he needs me to be.

A quote I love, and seems to apply to how I feel about my trip to Nepal, comes from the greatest movie of all time.

Star Wars.

And it was said by this man. Obi Wan Kenobi.

“You’ve taken your first step into a larger world.”

A larger world. That’s what I’ve seen and experienced. And I, this new version of Blair, need to figure out how to live in it.